Hold on to yer sombreros, dudes. Its...........
click to enlarge (someone's gotta read it)SNEAKYDEAKY QUIZTIME IX: THE ANSWERS
Arrrrrrrrrgh mi hearties, the moment of truth for all you game competitors. I'm also pleased to say this lil quiz is picking up a bit of a following, with a full dozen of you having a bash this week. If you recall, the idea was to match the blatant lie with the country that uses it. As a couple of you pointed out, there are sometimes more than one logical answer available so the trick is to anticipate my warped views. Let's get on with it. Avast, shipmates!
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1. We have rigorous screening procedures for bank account holders
Answer: Uruguay. Yeah, the Switzerland of South America and the nicest place possible to stash a few quiet dollars. Colombian drug lords have their own helipads.
2. We are giving our people the freedom they deserve
Answer: Cuba. Recently Raul's been giving it the "You can buy cellphones now....¡Viva la revolucion!", but there's a loooooooooooooooong way to go before he can look Dubya in the eye and tell him to STFU one time.
3. We are not dependent on copper.
Answer: Chile. Look don't pass this on to any Chileans, cos I got them really mad under a previous name by suggesting that 40% of their economy is directly dependent on copper. It would have been very embarrassing at the time if I hadn't been 100% correct. So forget all the fishmeal and IMF reserves and counter-cyclical baloney, cos copper craps out and so does Chile. The truth hurts.
4. We look after our poor.
Answer: Peru. It's shameful, disgusting, pathetic and every other badass adjective you'd like to throw at them. After 6 years of continuous GDP growth, Peru has 42% of its population under the poverty line. In a recent interview Garcia even lied about that, saying it was probably down to 41% by now. The only percentage he should be thinking about is 28%...his approval rating. Guess why?
5. We are significant
Answer: Paraguay. Look, I happen to like Paraguay. Asuncion has that faded glory thing going on, Filadelfia is one of the weirdest places I've ever visited (in a nice way, of course), Guarani is a great language to listen to (though impossible for a mere mortal such as I to understand) chipas are cool, and the side plate of mandioca that comes with everything you order totally rocks. But whatever might happen in the LatAm of tomorrow, Paraguay is not likely to be the one making waves. Sorry guys. Backwater, thy name is Paraguay
6. We are not shitscared of the USA
Answer: Panama. "Of course it's your canal, little tanned people. But if you try to prove it, we'll bomb the hell outta you and then make you into Colombians again."
7. We are not dependent on oil.
Answer: Venezuela. 90% of exports, 40% of direct GDP, and probably 65% of total GDP if you include indirect effects. Add the overvalued currency to the mix, and local industry can't compete with imported prices so why bother opening a factory anyway? Nah..it's oil. And oil.
8. We are serious people who prioritize economic development
Answer: Brazil. Sao Paolo is all busybusy and industrious, and basically gives the rest of Brazil a bad name. Economic miracle? Gimme a break! The western press makes it sound like Brazilians suddenly want to work like it's the new South Korea. THESE.... PEOPLE...DO....NOT....CARE. Period. If they make enough money to make tomorrow a free day with beer and football on the beach, than the day's labours are finished.
9. We are not totally dependent on the USA
Answer: Mexico. 80% of exports go to the USA, and the wages are paid by the USA, and the factories make US cars, and US whitegoods, and US computer hardware and and and....... Errrrr, got the point yet?
10. We do not have high inflation.
Answer: Argentina. Klishtina says 8.8%. Normal people say 25%. Thing is that Klishtina is beginning to see what a ballsup the inflation number really is...only beginning, mind you. Yesterday she claimed that poverty levels had dropped 3% to 20% in Argentina. But that's cos she uses the bullshit lies vomited out by INDEC. If you use a real inflation rate poverty levels have actually risen from 27% to 30% in the last year. The upshot is that nobody believes any of the Argentina macro figures any more, not just the blatant lie about inflation.
Answer: Uruguay. Yeah, the Switzerland of South America and the nicest place possible to stash a few quiet dollars. Colombian drug lords have their own helipads.
2. We are giving our people the freedom they deserve
Answer: Cuba. Recently Raul's been giving it the "You can buy cellphones now....¡Viva la revolucion!", but there's a loooooooooooooooong way to go before he can look Dubya in the eye and tell him to STFU one time.
3. We are not dependent on copper.
Answer: Chile. Look don't pass this on to any Chileans, cos I got them really mad under a previous name by suggesting that 40% of their economy is directly dependent on copper. It would have been very embarrassing at the time if I hadn't been 100% correct. So forget all the fishmeal and IMF reserves and counter-cyclical baloney, cos copper craps out and so does Chile. The truth hurts.
4. We look after our poor.
Answer: Peru. It's shameful, disgusting, pathetic and every other badass adjective you'd like to throw at them. After 6 years of continuous GDP growth, Peru has 42% of its population under the poverty line. In a recent interview Garcia even lied about that, saying it was probably down to 41% by now. The only percentage he should be thinking about is 28%...his approval rating. Guess why?
5. We are significant
Answer: Paraguay. Look, I happen to like Paraguay. Asuncion has that faded glory thing going on, Filadelfia is one of the weirdest places I've ever visited (in a nice way, of course), Guarani is a great language to listen to (though impossible for a mere mortal such as I to understand) chipas are cool, and the side plate of mandioca that comes with everything you order totally rocks. But whatever might happen in the LatAm of tomorrow, Paraguay is not likely to be the one making waves. Sorry guys. Backwater, thy name is Paraguay
6. We are not shitscared of the USA
Answer: Panama. "Of course it's your canal, little tanned people. But if you try to prove it, we'll bomb the hell outta you and then make you into Colombians again."
7. We are not dependent on oil.
Answer: Venezuela. 90% of exports, 40% of direct GDP, and probably 65% of total GDP if you include indirect effects. Add the overvalued currency to the mix, and local industry can't compete with imported prices so why bother opening a factory anyway? Nah..it's oil. And oil.
8. We are serious people who prioritize economic development
Answer: Brazil. Sao Paolo is all busybusy and industrious, and basically gives the rest of Brazil a bad name. Economic miracle? Gimme a break! The western press makes it sound like Brazilians suddenly want to work like it's the new South Korea. THESE.... PEOPLE...DO....NOT....CARE. Period. If they make enough money to make tomorrow a free day with beer and football on the beach, than the day's labours are finished.
9. We are not totally dependent on the USA
Answer: Mexico. 80% of exports go to the USA, and the wages are paid by the USA, and the factories make US cars, and US whitegoods, and US computer hardware and and and....... Errrrr, got the point yet?
10. We do not have high inflation.
Answer: Argentina. Klishtina says 8.8%. Normal people say 25%. Thing is that Klishtina is beginning to see what a ballsup the inflation number really is...only beginning, mind you. Yesterday she claimed that poverty levels had dropped 3% to 20% in Argentina. But that's cos she uses the bullshit lies vomited out by INDEC. If you use a real inflation rate poverty levels have actually risen from 27% to 30% in the last year. The upshot is that nobody believes any of the Argentina macro figures any more, not just the blatant lie about inflation.
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So there we go, another quiz wrapped up with a bow and delivered by a young guy wearing a bow tie. And I'm pleased to say that long-time quizplayer Carlos G has finally managed to win this one with a sparkling 7/10. You totally rule Carlos...like totally. I'm just sorry that you have to suffer and evening with Alvaro Vergas Loser.
So until the next quiz coming at you Saturday, I wish you all godspeed and nice things on top.
Toodle Pip!
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