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We begin with this tweet from Colombia Confidential which states (translated):
"Colombian Penises Are the Fifth Biggest In The World"
So things have started well. We then click through to the report, found here, which includes this table (quick translation: "Largo" is length and "Ancho" is width or girth):
So Congo is da bomb, but you can clearly do much worse than hang around (geddit?) the Northern countries of the South America continent (or even Bolivia: it must be the apí). Later in the note we also get a comparative girth measurement table as well (Ecuador does well), because that's important too. Apparently.