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8/28/14

Tommy Humphreys and Lawrence Roulston, playing nicely together

Here's what's being sent over to my mailbox this morning, from a couple of you. Well, I might have adjusted the text slightly. Here and there. Y'know, just for fun.

(PS: Yes, I'm at a loose end this morning. How did you know?)

Good morning members of our free list,
This is Tommy Humphreys for Lawrence Roulston (Some of you may know me from my appearances in the daytime series, Nurses In Love).
Lawrence brought me on board a couple of months ago to help revive his rapidly fading newsletter, Resource Opportunities, established in 1998. We are both very excited by the chance to pretend there's an improving outlook for junior mining equities, as well as what's in store for our newsletter.
We just published a report on an R&D stage company that I believe has the potential to change my life, and possibly yours, but this one isn't Lowell Copper so don't worry I'm not going to make the mistake of toadying out of my league this time.
Yes, some luck will be involved, but you have to make your own luck in this world and if I sell enough of these subscriptions, my back will be covered and I'll be running no risk at all. That part's up to you, suckers.
The company our report covers has arguably the best possible management team and financial backers for what they have set out to do and if you get to the end of this sentence and still read on then you're exactly the type of person I'm looking for. The team has created billions in wealth for shareholders and themselves in this particular commodity over the past twenty years.
The roughly $20 million enterprise value company is not at all followed by the investment community, the same way my grammar fails to follow the basic rules of English language.
Under normal circumstances, I would be willing to pay the current enterprise value for an empty shell with a management team of this calibre because I'm a complete twat, but this company is not a shell. It has several potentially significant projects, and success at any one of them could add zeroes to the company's valuation. You still reading? Oh, you're the one, just go the bottom, hit the subscription button and sign on now.
I thought I would have to wait a long time to have the stars align on a story like this one, and there are very exciting things happening at this company over the next six months. Very exciting, as adjectives and modifiers make all the difference to a no-brainer winning trade.
To learn more about our idea please sign up at the Resource Opportunities site, which we are in the process of re-designing and we need more money to pay the web designer so don't delay.
The report is the culmination of over two months of research on the company, and its yours with a $299 annual subscription. You see, PT Barnum was right.
And if you change your mind you may cancel within 30 days of signing up for a full refund.
We look forward to having you aboard!
Tommy Humphreys for Lawrence Roulston
Toll Free: 1-XXX-773-XXX
www.resourceopportunities.com